“Give me time to reset,
Give me time to think it through”

...went the opening line of the song. And it made me think, maybe if we are given the time to reset the things that we regret having done, enough time to think it through, our lives would have been so perfect. Mistakes made right, bitterness made sweet, but would we be happy?

“I saw it coming like a thief in the night,
I saw it coming from the flash of your light,
So give me strength to face this test of mine”

I have already come too close to happiness, but have it swept away. Worse is there’s nothing I can do about it. But I knew it was my fault, I drove it away from me, and I already know the consequences. I expected what was coming. But instead of running away from it, I was determined to face it. Even though I know it will bring hell to my doorstep. Well, for the sake of taking the risk. The what-ifs and buts are forming a rally inside my head. I took the very little chance I have. I took the risk, hoping the outcome would turn the way I want it to be. But the little glint of hope I had faded away. What I wanted didn’t happen. Then regrets flooded and drowned my shattered and battered heart.

And now…

“If only I could turn back time,
If only I had said what I still hide,
If only I could turn back time…”

(some borrowed lines from Aqua’s “Turn Back Time”)

Jhen
09.21.06

(found this on my old files.. thought of posting it.. hehe)

my friendster "About Me".. haha

a long long time ago... there is this thing called Friendster.. and i don't know why, but this is what i wrote in the "About Me" thing.. (yah, it is where you put descriptions of yourself.. haha)

here it is for your laugh trip.. (or maybe it's not that funny.. hehe)

"for some reasons i feel like telling.
i dream of dominion over mankind. bwahaha. dili bitaw. hehehe.
i'm a very good girl. i really am. hehehe. sure i'm a little sly sometimes, but sometimes ra bya.
people see me as a snob because i don't make pansin the people who are not pansinable.waaahh.
maldita. those who agree with me, raise your hands...
i'm quite a downright person. i speak my mind and i don't think it's a crime.
i celebrate eccentricity. why not? dare to be different.
i go frantic over little things. i easily crack. hehehe. but that was then, this is now, and now im stronger than i've ever been. hehe
i scribble things that come up in my mind.
i love the beach, the warmth of the sun and the wind on my face.
pink, chocolates, daisies, little notes, and corny jokes, these are few of my favorite things.
i have my own beliefs...
and i believe in love surviving death into eternity. and uhm, did i mention that i am super cheezy? wehehehe.
some people think i'm funny. i'm not. they just wont take me seriously unless i'm joking.
he is my sweetest downfall.
who??? ahmmm... secret. hehehe.
i usually do things i would regret. unintentionally...
i stick to a very few friends. and i love them like hell.
i hide beneath a disguise of a smile. because i don't want to wear my anguish.
i am the great pretender. hehehe.
and i would do anything for love. i'd run right into hell and back. hahaha... kantahon nlng abi nako..
im a little insane.
i don't want to explain myself to people who don't get me.
i don't like people who only talk about themselves.
i m tired of life.
i want to vanish.
im striving to be perfect, which is very impossible.
i cry at night till daybreak...
i don't understand me.
people don't either.
and they condemn what they don't understand..."


so what you think?? nah..i don't really wanna know.. haha

Middle Child Syndrome

"The middle or second born child or children often have the sense of not belonging. They fight to receive attention from parents and others because they feel many times they are being ignored or dubbed off as being the same as another sibling. Being in the middle a child can feel insecure. The middle child often lacks drive and looks for direction from the first born child. Sometimes a middle child feels out of place because they are not over achievers and like to go with the flow of things."



Have you ever felt like that? Like you have no equal importance like your other siblings. Like everything you do seems to be wrong. Like you are always left out.

Back then, i always thought that it is just some unfortunate twist of fate that i am not equally provided with a lot of things like my other siblings. I would just sigh out of envy for what i do not have. I would only grit my teeth out of contempt because there's not much i can do about it. "Favoritism" is the word. And hell no, i am not the favorite.

Maybe i have done too far out of my "hinanakit". I made such a big decision for myself, defying my parents' authority, but it's a decision i never regretted doing. A decision i have always been so happy about. But parents don't forgive an injury and never forget an insult. And for that mistake (for them, at least), i suffer from harsh words, over and over again. Words i never heard them throw at my brother and sister, no matter how big their mistake might be. And then why me?

They say you could not choose your parents... but that also goes by saying parents could not choose their children.

But of course, i still love my family... I just wish they would see me as i am..

emo..

uttering words of desperation

staring wildly into blank space

flashing vivid images through my head

scribbling thoughts from my mind

cold as the rain dripping from the window pane

i long for warmth and solace

this horrid world i belong to

get me out of here

drifting away in my own fears

drowning in my own tears

hold my hand

or i'll be swept away

stop putting dreams in my head

coz then i'll utter words of desperation

and stare wildly into blank space..

SOS!

i think i really need help with this one.. i want the buttons above to link to somewhere.. other than just stick to this page when you click it.. and the photo box below, i want my picture in it.. how do i mess up with HTML?? :(

really need some expertise around here.. anyone???

test..

this blog is under construction.. hehe.. and i don't even know how to do it.. well, let's just see how it goes.. ♥